Posts Tagged With: limitations

The Rhythm of Success

Posted on May 31, 2012 by jessicacardwell

A few weeks ago, my husband and I had a rare opportunity to climb without our son tagging along to the gym.  Now that I’ve overcome my fear of belaying my husband (2 twists in the rope helps boost my confidence!), we were looking forward to some focused climbing time.

Only I bombed.  For some unknown reason, my brain was not in the game that day.  I was getting short of breath, failing to execute simple moves, and that compounded my exasperation.  I wondered if it had anything to do with my time off from injuring my shoulder.

As I considered why I was so off, the closest comparison and explanation I could come up with was that my rhythm was off.  When I play piano, I have a certain ritual of arranging the bench, the music, even my hair.  I do it without thinking.  I didn’t even know it existed until my biggest fan (my mom) pointed it out to me.  These simple arrangements allowed my mind to focus, distractions to fade, and I could execute my performance with excellence.

This was not the case for climbing that day.  It went something like this:

Bouldering at the Climbing Gym

“On belay?”

“Belay is on.”

“Climbing.”

“Climb on.”  I climb up two holds.

My wedding ring is still on!  How did I forget to take it off?  I reach with my right hand, move my left foot into position.

It sure is grinding into my finger. Climb a few more feet.

Which of these holds is actually on this route?  There are 5 different colors here!  Move another move up.

I hope I don’t hurt my shoulder.

Not the most helpful, focused internal dialogue.

While I’ve been taught to tie in and go through the climbing commands and checks to ensure safety, I don’t think I’ve yet embraced the process as my mental preparation.

The more I climb the more I believe climbing is 50% mental and 50% physical.  If I don’t have it together in my head, its better to not even get on the wall.

For much of my life, playing piano meant that distractions would fade, music would surround me and for a time I’d be transported elsewhere.  It wasn’t my experience when I first started however.

I hope that as I progress in climbing, that when I hear “climb on”, distractions disappear, my thoughts fade away and I send with confidence.

Until next time, send on.

[Also: I have to apologize publicly to my husband for my last post.  It was never my intention to paint him as someone who is inept.  In fact he is quite the opposite.  He is truly inspiring for all the trials and challenges he perseveres through.  I thought I was being funny in my last post, but I realized later that it could be interpreted as mean spirited or demeaning, and that is certainly not my intent.  My first post on this blog more accurately describes how I view him.]

Categories: Climbing, Insight | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Guest Post: A Wife’s Perspective

Posted on January 12, 2012 by jessicacardwell

A recent conversation between the Bionic Hiker and myself went like this:

BH: You should write a guest post for my blog!

Me: What would I write about?

BH: You could write about what its like to be married to a disabled athlete.

Me: How many posts can you write about applying Tiger balm?

So without further ado, here are some of my thoughts on being married to an outdoor enthusiast and aspiring athlete who also happens to have a disability.

Walking the line between being a reality check and a buzz kill.

When my husband first began expressing interest in rock climbing and mountaineering, it was difficult for me to share the excitement.  With his physical condition, he already deals with pain on a daily basis.  I was not interested in him introducing new pain.  It didn’t help that he was devouring books on high altitude expeditions and routinely sharing about death and mayhem.

His excitement also started shortly after a Yellowstone trip in 2010.  Most of the time I think the Bionic Hiker makes good decisions in outdoor adventures, however, on this particular trip I had refused to go on a hike.  He had started down the sloppy muddy trail in the rain while I stood at the trailhead with our 3 year old son refusing to hike a rim trail

A wife-approved trail in Yellowstone (Elephant Back Mountain)

where there was a large sign stating “Hike at your own risk, children not recommended”. I wasn’t interested in seeing my husband loose his balance and slip and slide over the edge or futilely try to keep my son on the inside of the trail from the rim while he was loosing traction during the poor conditions.

So at times the disability feels like a henchman lurking behind a bush waiting to come and knock him out.  While I’m not necessarily a good protector against men wielding crowbars, sometimes I trick myself into thinking if I say the right thing I can keep him from harm or danger.  I know, its so silly to think a husband would actually listen to his wife.  So in the meantime, it’s always there, and I balance concern and fear of future suffering with being a supportive partner.

The first time he tried rock climbing is a prime example.  His first time in a rock climbing class resulted in an injury that required months of physical therapy and a miserable car ride home.  He was ready to give up and I was ready to agree with him.  I didn’t want to watch him incur injury after injury trying to do something his body simply couldn’t handle.  I’m glad he proved me wrong and he has quickly surpassed my ability.  I almost discouraged him from it in the name of being a “reality check” when I really would have been killing a dream.  Which is why I have supported him returning to the sport that almost took his life (skiing).

On the positive side

For the 30 years I’ve been on this planet, I’ve considered myself an uncoordinated non athlete with an aversion to anything labeled a sport.  However, I can’t exactly sit comfortably on the sidelines using pathetic excuses when the Bionic Hiker manages to stay active and challenge himself physically.  Bad memories of dodge ball from my school years don’t hold weight next to having two steel bars in ones back.  I never would have tried rock climbing had it not been for him, and he’s started me on course leading to a much healthier and happier me.

When we are both trying new things, I don’t have the self-consciousness that other women with my self-imposed labels might have (at least most of the time!).  With my lack of ability and his disability we almost have a level playing field.  :)

I have to say that the Bionic Hiker is quite admirable.  He is the one that could choose self-consciousness because of the limp he walks with or the challenges he faces while learning to climb, but his zest for life trumps that card.

So until next time, adventure on without abandon.

Categories: Climbing, Hiking, Insight, Outdoor Recreation | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Argument I Keep Losing

Posted on December 12, 2011 by Jayson

So I am sidelined yet again.

No more climbing for the Bionic Man, at least not for awhile. The tendinitis in my right shoulder is SLOWLY getting better, but I feel tendinitis in my left shoulder starting. I also am experiencing forearm pain that only shows up when I pull…..it’s got me wondering if I have a micro or stress fracture.

I keep getting into verbal fights with my body, it appears that my body isn’t too fond of me yelling at it and secretly start breaking down on me. My bodies continued debilitation is the direct result of my disability. The two go hand-in-hand and it’s hindering my progress.

I’ve been trying and trying to find a way to overcome this deficiency, but I have yet to determine a suitable answer. I’ve put on an ankle brace which I hoped would help to stabilize my ankle but I’m not sure if it’s just a placebo effect. I also wear a knee brace to protect my left knee because the inside tendons and ligaments seem to be challenging me lately. I tried putting on my right ankle brace (it’s a different style and brand) but it wouldn’t fit inside the shoe. One of the teens climbing stared at me the other day while I was walking around the bouldering area. I think she wondered why I was even there. My calves are non-existent and I wear braces on my left leg. I have no business climbing at all…..but I have no common sense so why should I listen to reason!

I’m going to be taking about a month off of climbing, give my body time to recoop and to work on strengthening my rotator cuff muscles. I still don’t know how to solve my foot problems. If I don’t solve them soon and figure out a way to climb with this disability I’m going to spend 6 months climbing and 6 months doing therapy to recover. I’ll end up climbing every other month and make no progress at all. I’ve thought about maybe getting new shoes however I am wary that it’s just a bunch of hype. I was climbing a problem with my wife tonight and did it barefoot so do climbing shoes really give you so much of an edge? I wear a pair of Evolv K-Lace shoes. They are a beginner shoe made on a flat last. They are supposed to provide decent edging and I certainly like the way they feel. I’ve wondered though if I would be better off with a downturn shoe made for superior edging. I wonder if getting a shoe that purposefully curls my toes and provides good edging support will help my compensate somewhat for my disability?

I don’t know if it will really work, I could go and try out a pair and see if the staff at my climbing gym will let me climb a problem or two in them and see if they do indeed work better. We’ll have to wait and see.

So to the climbing community out there I ask, what are your opinions on climbing shoes? Do you feel and experience a difference between flat and downturn shoes? Would love to hear you weigh in.

Update: A few of my twitter friends weighed in and said that I would definetly see a marked performance. I am slowly leaning the way of a downturn shoe. I’ve now got decision between two pairs. I would still enjoy to hear opinions from my readers. User reviews and insight is always more welcome then company product hype.

Until next time……Climb On!

Categories: Climbing, Gear | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Knife’s Edge Dance

Posted on December 6, 2011 by Jayson

” I can’t”

“I’m scared”

“I want down!”

“I’m too high up”

This is the usual one-sided conversation my son has with me when we are at the climbing wall of our fitness center. It also happens at the climbing cave at our favorite outdoor retailer, Midwest Mountaineering. He’s gotten himself up about six feet off the ground, he’s roped in, and he’s reached his limit.

After lowering him to the ground and calculating in my head that it took my wife more time to tie him in then it did for him to actually climb I wonder what am I doing wrong.

The funny thing is he climbed up in a tree, no harness and no rope, to about thirteen feet and only stopped when we told him to because the tree couldn’t bear his 40 lbs of beefiness. So what is it about the climbing wall that terrifies him? He’ll come off the wall and promise us he’ll go higher and try harder, but the end result is no different.

I’m former military, so is my father, my grandfather, aunt, uncles, all branches of service. Being pushed, pushing yourself, not quitting, not giving up, testing your limits and going beyond them to the point of failure and the chastisement with failing is familiar territory for me. It isn’t familiar for my little guy.

You WILL climb that wall, now move!

So where does this lack of confidence in his ability come from? It’s not germane only to climbing: it comes out in hiking, reading, writing, even putting away his clothes. It’s a total 180 from a few years ago when the boy could do EVERYTHING (or so he thought) on his own without parental interference.

This led me to thinking that there is a fine line in parenting and in life between understanding limitations and allowing failure and fear to stop you prematurely. Do I push him or do I allow him to go as high as he wants and allow time to hopefully take him higher? As a parent this is really dancing on a knife’s edge. You don’t want to encourage a child to quit and give up so easily, but at the same time you shouldn’t force them to do something that may end up breeding resentment and a sense of insecurity with someone who is supposed to help them feel secure (that was a TERRIFIC run-on sentence, my English teachers would be proud!)

I’ve run into a similar situation with myself. I went climbing at a climbing gym here in town for the first time. My wife and I wanted to compare it so we could determine whether or not we wanted to switch from the fitness center to a climbing gym. We climbed for over 2 hours. I kept trying my best to get in as much climbing as I could. I climbed so much I hurt my hands, tore them apart but at least I got a story out of it.

Here I am five days later and still sore, plus both shoulders ache now. I obviously climbed way too much and my rotator cuff muscles are far too weak. Since I  use this blog to spew my mental neurosis upon all of you I feel comfortable in making this confession. I haven’t been doing my at-home therapy exercises. I know….what a shocker huh!?!

So when I decided to look up exercises to strengthen the rotator cuff muscles I found the exact same ones as they gave me in therapy. The muscles (there are four) are important because of the way they position the shoulder. When they are weak it puts pressure on the tendons and bursa sack. Having strong shoulders doesn’t mean you have strong rotator cuffs, because they are so small when lifting weights the lats and delts get used more then they do. (Quick health lesson)

So now I find myself wondering what to do. Where is the fine line between being a pushy overbearing drill sergeant parent and a loving encouraging parent who doesn’t allow a child to quit easily but understands how to let maturity and growth happen?

I also have to discover for myself when to stop pushing myself too hard to the point of injury and where I am immobile for two days later and when I can keep going to push through physical limitation and mental barriers.  As an athlete, or anyone who does physical activity and wants to improve this can be a quandary you have as well.

So to all my readers out there I ask this: Do you struggle or have you discovered the delicate balance between pushing yourself too hard, and just enough to overcome? If so I would love to hear about it.

Until next time……Climb On!

Categories: Climbing, Insight, Outdoor Recreation | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Frustration.Limitation.Compensation.Determination

Posted on September 21, 2011 by Jayson

This blog isn’t going the way I thought it would go. It wasn’t set up to be what it has been. I wanted to share hike reviews, tips, advice, etc but it’s morphed into something else.  I don’t know if I want to be frustrated or just allow creative flow to just spill out onto your computer screen. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

What to do? What to do?

Well I am going to continue to spew out my mental waste on you and you’re just going to have to like it. Deal.

As I’ve said before I was downhill skiing in January of 1999 and when I came across of patch of ice I yardsaled everything, slid down the hill and smashed into a tree. Ouch

I remember telling my buddy who was with me “I think I need to see a chiropractor”, I actually needed a neurosurgeon.

My spine probably looked something like this.

The result was a compression fracture, a compund fracture of the pelvis, and an incomplete spinal cord injury. I spent a year-and-a-half in physical therapy. They gave me braces for foot drop and my lack of balance. I left wearing a “C’ crutches and that was all they could do.

I had been in the military during my accident and was an athlete all through school. Now I needed crutches to get around. Not exactly the active lifestyle I used to live. I remember going on a lake hike in Colorado with my aunt and mother before I moved to Minnesota. I fell off a log into a river, and like a dummy I wore cotton socks. By the end of the hike I was spent, and my feet were destroyed. It was years before I ever hiked again. I had pretty much given up an active lifestyle, I didn’t even think I’d be able to pedal a bike ever again.

I had reached utter frustration. The limitations of my disability had caused me to lose the very activities and experiences that I had loved since a child. It was devastating.

Through a series of events which I cannot remember I got back into being outside. I realized that I needed to adjust both my attitude, methods, and expectations. I found out that I needed to compensate for my disability by finding an approach that worked for me.

My special active life buddies.

So I have now acquired multiple braces, I force myself into mid-to-high topped boots, and I know that I have to start hiking earlier, pack Ibuprofen, and Tiger Balm. I have to be determined to make great things happen.

However, I’m not always “High Speed, Low Drag”. This past Monday I caught myself being ‘King Wussy-Man Crybaby Pants’ (it’s an official title, I have a crown and everything).

This past Monday I went to Climbing 101 at my favorite outfitter. I had been climbing with my wife the past two weekends. I had been reading everything I could get my hands on for the last several months. I always read and research before starting anything new. I wanted to take the class for instructional purposes, I wanted to learn better technique. What I learned is how frustrating crippled climbing can be.

My feet kept popping off the wall. I couldn’t hold an outside edge. Foot placement was horrible; silent feet, yea right, try ‘breaking the sound barrier feet’ my floppy ankles and non-existing calves made it impossible.

I'm telling you....the wall was this high.....I'm not lying.

We then top-roped ascending a 20′ tall wall inside the store. I got the ledge (about 10′ up) and couldn’t go farther. I had pumped out my forearms. I couldn’t even grip a jug to hold me into the wall. I had finally had enough and tapped out. The wall had beaten me. Mentally and emotionally I was back at the beginning. Frustration and limitation. The ride home was horrible. I had wrenched my shoulder trying to climb so while my wife drove I stared out the window. I felt embarrassed because of my lack of performance. I felt foolish for even trying. What was I thinking. (UPDATE: Turns out I had shoulder tendinitis, that’s was the pain I felt in my shoulder)

My Little Guy was there watching me, wanting me to so badly ring the bell at the top which my wife had rung the week before. I barely made it to the ledge and had the hardest time mantling over. I looked at my wife and told her I was ready to give up this pipe dream. I was disabled, I should know my place. It was time for me to accept my limitations and give up.

I saw the tears well up in her eyes…….she rarely sees me like this. I am usually Gun-Ho and too stupid to give in and admit defeat. Turns out I still am, I just needed to take off my King Wussy-Man Crybaby Pants and put on my big boy pants. What a difference a wardrobe change can make.

After my momentary lapse of insanity I decided that I am too determined to quit. I watched  a video of a amputee climber in Hueco Tanks, TX. He started the video by saying ‘You’re as disabled as you think you are. I don’t think I’m disabled.’ If you want to watch the video here’s a link to the post I did on it.

Well neither do I. I hold myself to a standard of fully-abled bodied person because that is the level at which I desire to perform.

The mental game of hiking, backpacking, kayaking, climbing, mountaineering, chess, backgammon, go-fish, and tiddlywinks is only disability many of us suffer.

I am determined to find a way around the muscle issues. Even if that means I have to be gorilla-strong in the upper body. I may never send a 5.10 or better then a V5 boulder, but the fact that I can climb and finish is an accomplishment itself.

I’ll find a way to compensate, I’ll find my way up a wall. One way or another. It might take me weeks, months, or years but I’m going to finish what I started. The only problem any of us have are the limitations of our own mind, and how we perceive challenges and problems. How do you overcome? I’ll tell you how.

1. Sacrifice

2. Determination

3. Tenacity

4. Discipline

5. Hope

See....told you I have a crown. I'm willing to abdicate the thrown though.

Please, share your thoughts.

Categories: Climbing, Hiking | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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